Escape from Cubicle Nation

Help ME help YOU

How many times have you talked to a new acquaintance and heard him or her say "Just let me know if there is anything I can do for you!" 

What was your response?

For most people, it is a polite smile and "thanks."

Boy, are you missing an opportunity!

The more time I spend in business, the more I realize that people generally are brimming with desire to help others.

My recent experiences on Twitter reinforce this fact:

• When my computer blew up, I lamented about it on Twitter and asked for suggestions for backup services.  I not only got great advice from about 20 people, I also had people volunteer to spend time on the phone walking me through the process of setting it up.
• I was pondering a switch from Typepad to Wordpress so that I could integrate my website and blog.  I asked my followers their opinion, and once again was blown away with the response.  Rick Gregory went above and beyond the call of duty and mocked up a sample Wordpress site for me using content from my website and blog.
• The same thing happened when I was stuck formatting a post on Martha Beck's blog, which is in Wordpress.  Nathan Bowers offered to help, I sent him the errant HTML, he fixed it, and emailed it back to me.
• I read a tweet from Hugh McLeod about his Moleskine notebook and wanted to share a link with him about a beautiful custom engraving company.  Since the bookmark was lost in the crash, I couldn't remember the name of the company.  So I tweeted about it, and 2 minutes later had 10 people send me the link. (Engrave Your Book)

Here is the catch:  in order for them to help you, you have to be really specific with your requests.   And in order to be specific with your requests, you have to reflect on what you really want.  This can be things like:

• I really want to connect with __________ (Paul Graham,Malcolm Gladwell, Oprah )
• I really want to learn about __________ (writing code, entrepreneurship, photography)
• I want help with ________ (writing a business plan, closing more sales, choosing between good logo designs)

Once you define what you want, the next time someone asks you what they can do for you, you have an answer.

I have a specific example:  I am obsessed with getting my friend Ramit Sethi on Oprah when his new book, I Will Teach You to Be Rich, comes out.  Ramit writes personal finance advice for college students and recent college graduates. But unlike many of the older, "professional" finance experts, he truly understands his audience and can offer unique insight about the crisis facing our society since young people have no idea how to manage their money. He can speak to the millions of mothers watching the show and say "do you realize that you are setting up your children for misery, stress and pressure because of the way you teach them about money?"

I can't explain the obsession -- I am not a publicist, and Ramit has never asked me for help. I just think he would be a perfect guest and it would make a really great show.

I actually know a few people who have been on Oprah, so the Six Degrees of Separation is working in my favor.  But there is a right and a wrong way to ask for their advice:

• DON'T ask:  "Would you introduce my friend Ramit to Oprah's producers?"
• DO ask:  "I would love to get my friend Ramit on Oprah because his book would make a great topic for a show.  What is your best advice for connecting with the show's producers?"
  
  The first approach puts them on the spot.  Even though we are friendly, they may not be willing to risk their personal relationship to introduce me.  The second approach is much less pressure on them, and I can learn valuable information that will serve me in other situations, like convincing Today Show producers to have Matt Lauer interview me when my book comes out.

The same goes for other requests.  Ask about the process, not the people.

• DON'T ask:  "Would you review my business plan?"
• DO ask:  "I would love to have some expert review on my business plan.  How do you suggest I go about getting it?"
• DON'T ask:  "Would you blog about my company?"
• DO ask:  "I would love to make bloggers in my target market aware of my company.  Do you have any suggestions for connecting with them?"
• DON'T ask "Would you take me with you on your photo shoot?"
  DO ask"  "I want to get much more experience observing professionals on photo shoots.  What is the best way to get this experience?"

In each of these cases, the person you are asking may just volunteer himself.  "I'd be happy to introduce you to Oprah's producer!" or "I would love to blog about your company" or "Would you like to come with me on a photo shoot?"

The difference is he volunteers his time or expertise willingly, without any pressure.

I don't mean to give the impression that you can never ask anyone for specific help.  If you have long-standing mutually beneficial relationships with influential people, you can be more direct.  But in newer relationships or networking situations, this approach works beautifully.

Bottom line:  The more often you ask for what you want, the more likely you are to get it.  To ask for help, you have to define what you want.  To get the best results, ask about the process, not the people.

What has been your experience asking for help?  Do you hold back, and if so, why?

Steven Pressfield discusses The War of Art for entrepreneurs

Some of you may remember that I got all excited about Steven Pressfield's book The War of Art and covered it in my podcast.  After I finished the recording, I emailed Steven to ask if he would be willing to do an interview with me about the concepts in the book, namely how entrepreneurs can overcome creative blocks.

After an initial yes, he had to decline, since his schedule got packed promoting a new book.

I was a bit disappointed since after reading the book I was a major groupie, but certainly understood his decision.

Fast forward a year or so and my good friend Matthew Scott casually mentioned that he snagged an interview with Steven for his coaching program interview series, Men at Pause.

My first reaction was very mature:  DAMN YOU MATTHEW!

I then realized I could make him feel guilty enough to share it with my readers for free.  Which he kindly did. I will never pass up the opportunity to be manipulative when it will serve my readers. :)

I love the interview for a number of reasons:

• Matthew and Steven connect on their shared military background and love of history.  This is so far from my personal experience (peace-loving granola head liberal arts major), but it is really fascinating to hear the excitement in their voices as they swap stories.  Tell me where else you will learn about throwing up in your skydiving suit.  Trust me, nowhere.
• It is focused particularly on the struggles of corporate employees to entrepreneurs.  This is a target market Matthew and I share (he focuses on men in transition), so it is very applicable to all of you
• In addition to being an amazing writer, Steven Pressfield is a kind and humble person. You can hear it in the tone of his voice.  That really impresses me.  (my buddy Colleen who writes Communicatrix seconds the emotion:  when she wrote a post mentioning The War of Art, he commented on her blog.  Made her day, as it would mine!)

Listen in, and please share your thoughts.

Matthew, thanks so much for your generosity.  I publicly declare I will not manipulate you into giving my readers something free for at least one year.  After that, all bets are off.

Here is info about Matthew's program:  Men at Pause Seminar.  And his blog:  Men at Pause Coach

How to develop an entrepreneurial mindset

For this week's podcast, I had the pleasure of interviewing Gary Schoeniger, founder of the Entrepreneurial Learning Initiative. 

Gary has a really interesting story -- from dead broke desperate handyman to successful entrepreneur.

Over the last 15 years, he has interviewed hundreds of successful entrepreneurs to discover which skills are critical for starting and running a business.  Many are not what you think.

My favorite advice from the interview:  

"Find a problem.  Figure out how to solve the problem.  Find more people with the same problem and you have a business."

I like that Gary's views make me think.  I have been in "do what you love (and work and work and work and work) and the money will follow" mode for so long that the "problem/solution" model was very intriguing.

Listen in on the 40-minute interview here.

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Note to regular podcast listeners:  I have been veering off my "every 2 weeks" publishing schedule a bit as I am writing my book.  I need to do this in order to get the work done.  Once the book is turned in (September 15, come heck or high water), I will come back to a more regular schedule.  Thanks for your support and understanding!

Introducing Herdi'Oflo - Indonesian basketball star and hip hop singer

I have the coolest readers.

Just got an email from the very positive Indonesian entrepreneur/athlete/musician  Herdian Mohammad about the soft launch of his website.  http://herdioflo.com/ 

I love the flavor and spirit of his brand.  And having corresponded with him for a few years, I know he is a really nice person, committed to his country, family and entrepreneurship with equal fervor.

Congrats Herdi!

We can all learn from your passion and commitment.

Is life just one damn thing after another?

I am always a bit perplexed when people ask me how to come up with new material for a blog.  I say, let it come to you!

Like this conversation I described on my new post for Martha Beck's blog.  I was halfway through writing on another topic when I got this call on my cellphone.  I couldn't get it out of my head, so I wrote this post as a way to provide support to the caller, "Beatrice."  Real life is better than fiction!

My cellphone rang yesterday.

"I can't believe I'm calling you," a woman I will call "Beatrice" said. "I don't know where else to turn."

"I read Martha's North Star book a few years ago and, while pursuing a dream job on account of a man, actually made tremendous progress in my career. I have since received national awards for my work.  I never thought it would be possible to get paid for work I love, but I made it happen." "Now my romantic life is a disaster.  Today was a breaking point.  I was in the Disney store with my daughter and saw an ad for a cheesy movie about a robot who finds love on another planet.  I thought "Even a freaking robot finds love. Why can't I?" and I started sobbing.  My 25-year old daughter looked at me like I had lost my mind.   I have been divorced for years and have gotten to a point where I am devastatingly lonely.  I don't even know where to begin to fix it.  Can you help?"

This situation, while extremely painful for Beatrice, is a very common occurrence. How is it that you can be really together in one area of your life and a wreck in another?  Why can one area of your life skyrocket (career, love life, finances) and the other tank (health, relationship with kids, level of grunge in ring on bathtub)?  Is it just a big conspiracy to keep you from being happy?

I think it is actually a kind and gentle way that life lets you chip away at improving different parts of yourself at different times.   In the complex web of your brain, heart and spirit, all parts of your life are not always in similar states of health and harmony.  This is why you see cases of:

• The blockbuster actor going to prison for 3 years for tax evasion
• The successful governor cavorting with prostitutes
• The supportive husband and excellent father sticking with a dead-end, miserable job

We all become ready for change for different reasons.  For Beatrice, her "Disney meltdown" was a cry for help.  She realized that if she did not attend to this long-neglected part of her life, she was going to lose her mind.  I have witnessed or experienced the following catalysts for major life change:

• A father finally making a career change after learning that while he was working 200 miles away, his 3-year old son was crying for him in the middle of the night.  Realizing how much he missed growing up with his own father, who had died in the Korean War, he got chills realizing he was not present in the lives of his children.  So he quit his high-paying job the next day, and started a  career working from home.
• My own health crisis spurred by a toxic relationship.  It took me getting severe pneumonia to finally take action to leave a poisoned relationship.  Lying in bed, wheezing, with a strong fever and not even enough energy to reach the remote control that was one foot away, I realized it was time to change my life.  I picked up the phone and told my best friend for the first time how bad things really were.
• A successful young career woman radically changed her work and lifestyle after the untimely death of her mother. A now thriving entrepreneur who travels the world for a living told me that what finally moved her to quit her "secure" corporate job was the death of her mother.  Suddenly, it became clear how fleeting life was, and she realized she was in charge of her own destiny.

Whatever spurs you to change, once you are ready, what do you do?

Read the rest here.

Advice for "scary times" like recession, war and environmental destruction

Training martial arts was one of the best ways I learned about fear.

I studied the Afro-Brazilian style of capoeira, which combines acrobatics, dance and martial arts.  Sparring, called "playing" in capoeira, is not divided by weight class or gender.

So it was common for me to face much larger and more seasoned players.

There was one match I remember very vividly.  I was playing with a visiting master from Brazil.  He was larger, stronger and infinitely more skilled than I.  And I knew, through the grapevine, that he was also quite a slimeball in real life.  He cheated on and abused his wife.  He had been known to hurt some opponents he didn't like.  Not exactly the kind of person I wanted to invite to a dinner party.

But here he was, nonetheless, in front of me.  He scared me to death.

My first reaction was to tense up.  My movements were slow and clumsy.  Then, as he continually slammed me to the floor, I got mad.  My anger made me try to strike back with force. 

His reaction was to just get stronger and more controlling.  Finally, he held my head against the wooden floor and pinned me to the ground. I felt fear, rage and humiliation.  It was not my finest moment.

A few minutes later, I watched him play with another woman of about my same size.  But the interaction was much different.  Instead of being totally rigid and serious, she was open and relaxed.  Instead of trying to go head to head with someone obviously stronger and more dangerous, she made the best of her creative and acrobatic skills.  He responded in kind.  Not feeling the same sense of fear, inferiority and rage from his opponent, he relaxed his stance and the result was a very beautiful game.

This metaphor seems very appropriate for our current state of world affairs.

A lot of people are walking around with generalized fears like:

• What if I lose my job due to the economy?
• How can I start a business if no one has any money to pay for anything?
• What if I am harmed in a terrorist attack?
• What if we destroy the earth?

Thinking of things in the abstract tends to make us more tense, fearful and unhappy.  When real, scary things occur, we react from this mental state.  And, like my face-smashed-into-the-floor-by-a-brutus moment, this greatly limits our ability to handle it effectively.

I found two really useful resources that address this topic.  The first is called The Scary Times Success Manual and comes from Dan Sullivan's Strategic Coach. (I first heard of Dan last night from an interview with author Steven Pressfield by my friend Matthew Scott.  I am definitely going to be learning more about him and his work!)

Here are a few gems for ways to "transform negativity and unpredictability into opportunities for growth, progress and achievement":

• Forget about yourself, focus on others. Uncertainty can drive people into themselves, making them feel isolated and helpless. The best strategy here is to go in the opposite direction, expanding your connection with others -- focusing on helping them transform their negatives into positives. The more you contribute in this fashion, the less you will need to worry about your own situation. You will become a source of confidence for everyone else.

• Forget about the "future," focus on today. The "future" is an abstraction. It doesn't exist except as an idea. The only future that has any reality is the one that you continually create for yourself through each day's contributions, achievements, and results. This is an excellent time to ignore all those experts who never saw the present circumstances coming. Focus on what you can do over the course of each 24 hours, and you'll be the only expert on the future you'll ever need.
  
• Forget about who you were, focus on who you can be. Many people define themselves by external circumstances. When these abruptly or unexpectedly change, they don't know who they are, so they keep trying to be who they used to be. From now on, take your cues from the inside -- from your dreams, ideals, values, and operating principles. These need never change, regardless of the circumstances. Take advantage of external confusion to become self-directed, self-managed, and self-motivated.

There are ten points in total, and they really make sense, especially for those of us in the entrepreneurial world. Read the whole article here.

The second resource is a video from a coaching session with Byron Katie, author of Loving What Is and creator of The Work.  I have written about Katie's methodology on Martha Beck's blog.  Here is a powerful example of how she coaches someone through her fear of generalized anxiety in the future (click on link to view video if you can't see YouTube screen on this blog): I fear suffering in the future.

My biggest takeaway:  "This moment is all there is.  It is all there ever will be."   

Don't let your fear of the future contaminate your present.  Let's keep each other strong and connected through these challenging times.   

What to do when you have the "good problem" of client overload

On this month's group coaching call, I was surprised to find that most of the participants were not cube dwellers getting ready to leap, but rather seasoned entrepreneurs who were overwhelmed with the amount of details they were juggling in their thriving businesses.

Michael Port, who I have mentioned many times and interviewed for my old radio show, has written a very thought-provoking and useful follow up to his first best-seller, Book Yourself Solid.  The book is called Beyond Booked Solid : Your Business - Your Life - Your Way - It's All Inside.  It covers how to plan for the inevitable "good problem" that happens when you work diligently to build up your business:  before long, you are overwhelmed with details and the quality of your life (and business) suffers.

This graphic, which came with the preview copy of the book and I hope is included in the final version, sums it up nicely (click on image to enlarge):

If you were to replace this business guy with a woman in jeans with two kids hanging off her hips, this could be me.

To put it bluntly, if you want to grow your business without systems, you are screwed.  There is simply too much to plan, do and remember to do it all yourself.  And this is the case even if you want to stay extremely small.

If you want a little free taste of the book as well as listen to what promises to be an interesting conversation, tune in Monday, April 28 at 12pm Eastern to hear Michael, my good buddy Rich Sloan of StartupNation and Howard Behar, former President of Starbucks discuss the book.  Even if you miss the live conversation, sign up here to get the recording.

I really enjoyed the book and hope you will too.  If you read it, please share your thoughts here!

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Update 4/28:

Since this post went out late, my friend Elizabeth Marshall of www.AuthorTeleseminars.com who hosted the calls was generous enough to share the download link with everyone.  I just listened to it here and it is a really interesting conversation. 

http://www.marketingmarshall.com/recommends/beyondbooked1

Note: this link will lead to a blank page and open a pop-up box
for you to click save and download the mp3 to your computer

If you sent me an email recently -- please send again!

Thanks to all who commiserated with me about my recent hard drive crash on my new iMac.  It made for quite an exciting couple of days!

Final report:

I got all my data back, except for everything in Outlook.  That includes current and archived emails, contacts and calendar information.

This is not all of my information from the beginning of time, but rather the last few months, when I switched from PC to Mac. 

So ... if you sent me an email recently and have not heard back ... would you mind resending? My email address is still the same, pcs (at) ganas (dot) com.

I will be sending a special note to all of my Escape from Cubicle Nation Advisory Council members who had submitted wonderful anecdotes and information for the book, which are now freely cavorting with each other in the "land of the lost files." (To find out more about my book advisory council -- details here -- I encourage you to sign up!)

I have forever sworn off Outlook and now am now a happy user of gmail.  I am busy incorporating gmail lifehacking tips from Gina Trapani's book Upgrade Your Life which I will blog about soon, as it is full of wonderful information.

Although losing data is never fun, in a strange way, I feel lighter, more free and excited about my new computer work environment.  I don't believe in accidents, so maybe this is part of a divine plan to make sure I have the most streamlined, secure and flexible work infrastructure possible.

Oh, and you can bet I will be backing up my files 3 different  ways every day.

Have a great weekend everyone!

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Special note to Peter (last name?) who left a message today on the Martha Beck blog post "Do you HAVE to do anything?"  I accidentally deleted your wonderful comment!  We got sprayed by tons of "online poker and casino" spam, so in my haste to delete a bunch, I deleted yours.  I felt heartsick, as I loved the comment!  If you have the thoughts to share again (it was about your realization that you don't HAVE to read all your RSS feeds), I would be so appreciative if you would re-post them.  If not, know that I really loved your example and encourage you to keep the good thoughts going.  :)

Exceptionally rich and juicy post on becoming "lifestyle entrepreneur"

If you have been living in the corporate environment for a long time, it is easy to have the mentality that you must go from full-time demanding job to full-time demanding entrepreneurial enterprise.  This really doesn't have to be the case, as so clearly illustrated in a resource my buddy John Ahrens found (another example of a Twitter connection ... I tell you, all earlier skepticism about the usefulness of this service is GONE!). It is called Become a Lifestyle Entrepreneur and 40+ Resources.  It comes from Anywired, a blog I recently added to my blogroll.

This article aggregates some of the best thinking on designing a business around your desired lifestyle.  It is really juicy and I look forward to digging into the content.  Hope you do too!

The biggest loser: Pam's community service announcement

I am happy to announce that I have bestowed a new title on myself today:  The world's biggest loser.  Ok, to be fair, not an all-around totally clueless loser, but in the case of not having a file backup plan in place for my main computer, I win the prize!

Last night, after I tucked the kids into bed, I went to my iMac and prepared to start my evening's work.  I immediately noticed that my Outlook email was running really slow, but because I run Parallels software in my Mac environment (which basically allows me to run both Mac and Windows at the same time), I figured I would just restart and everything would be ok.

But it wasn't.

The whole computer was running slow, so I did a manual shutdown by holding down the power key.  Then I restarted.  But instead of my main screen coming up quickly as it usually does, I got a pale grey background with a folder icon with a flashing question mark inside.

I knew this wasn't good.

After a few more attempts at restarting, I shut the thing down and went to bed.  If I am cranky, a good rest helps, so maybe my computer felt the same.  It has been a couple of busy weeks, so maybe it just wanted the night off.

This morning, it was more of the same.  A couple of times I was able to get to my hard drive, but it was exceptionally slow, and by the time I was able to access a folder to start the backup process, my whole system would freeze and the restart process would repeat.

So after spending an hour with tech support on the phone, I drove my ill iMac to the Apple store. 

The "Genius" (their term for in-store technical wizard) behind the support desk poked around and said "It appears you have a bad hard drive."  Followed by "but you do have your files backed up, right?"

Herein lies the community service announcement.

No, I didn't have my files backed up.  I did a weekly backup to an external drive on my old PC, but when I got my shiny new iMac a couple of months ago, somehow I was blinded by a combination of slick marketing messages, which promoted the Mac environment as being much more stable than Windows, and good old fashioned stupidity. I thought "It is a Mac, it won't crash!  I'll figure out a backup plan later.  Now, I am much too busy."

One of you aspiring entrepreneurs should start a virtual business where as soon as someone utters such a thought, a large, concentrated electrical shock strikes them in the forehead.  Such thoughts should not be allowed to cross the minds of seasoned professionals such as myself, but alas they do.

Lesson for you:  BACKUP YOUR FILES RIGHT NOW!

Not tomorrow or next week, but right now at this moment.

Some of my Twitter friends (@fildawg, @braveterry, @rickg and @SherylSisk, who among others have held my hand through my Mac breakdown) recommend the following resources:

• http://www.corecode.at/smartreporter
• http://www.getdropbox.com
• http://www.sugarsync.com
• http://www.jungledisk.com
• http://www.apple.com/macosx/features/timemachine.html

If all this seems too much, hire the smartest person you know to figure it out for you. 

You never expect your hard drive to fail.  I know I never did, not on a brand new computer!  But technology fails.  And when you put food on the table by the intellectual property you produce, you better have a plan to keep it safe.

If you have a business providing technical support to others, you should create a service offering for backup assement, installation and maintenance that you will advertise to all of your customers.  Use my stupidity as a lead-in to your marketing message if you need to:

"Dear _____:

What would you do if your hard drive crashed this minute?

Pamela Slim, the author of a blog I read and who really should know better given her smart technical friends, had this happen to her today and almost lost her mind.

If you don't currently back up your files, I would be happy to assess the best service or product for doing so.  I will help you set it up on your computer and will put a process in place to ensure it happens on a regular basis.

If interested, call me at 555-1212 or email me@don'tbealoserlikepam.com

Sincerely,

-Smart Independent Technical Professional"

Bad marketing copy maybe, but you get the point, right?  Some people don't back up because it seems too difficult and time-consuming.  If you know how to do it, help someone out of the goodness of your heart or to make an extra buck.  It is worth it!

The final chapter

I was told by the Mac Geniuses that despite the early dire predictions, I will be able to retrieve my data.  I purchased an external drive which they are configuring for automatic backups as we speak, and I will also use a couple of remote backup services on a regular basis.  I am so thankful to get my data back that I will even hand-copy my files with a pencil on a legal notepad if need be.  As Malcolm X said (referring to revolution, not computers of course) "by any means necessary."

They say that those who know better do better.  Now we both know better.  Let's do better.

Back that drive up!