Jon finallly called his dad and told him his plan over the weekend. He also told him about all the support he received from this website to take the adventure. His father didn’t say don’t go but I’m sure Jon sensed in his tone that he was concerned about the future. Jon called me after the conversation and I could sense in his tone he was disappointed he didn’t get the enthusiam from him he wanted. Which of course then leaves him to doubt his choice to go.

How sad that the financial crises has gotten so complicated and intense to second doubt life choices. Considering the government doesn’t know how to correct it – how do we plan for the future. This decision to escape should not be that difficult but it does reflect on the current crises. Jon’s responsible enough to think ahead . He said to me – I don’t want to go to Germany and think about not getting a job when I return. I want to be able to go and enjoy the time there for the experience. He’s so right. He has to go with a clear head otherwise the guilt and doubt will over take him. The reality is I know he will get a job – He is confident in himself to know he’ll get a job — so what’s the problem….

So when I came home I printed all the letters from this website and showed them to his father. My husband is very sensitive – he got teary eyed – reading comments from strangers in support of his son. It seemed like the Verizon commercial – he can go – he’s backed by the network…..The letters completely turned around his sentiment. He said — in his own word — He has to go and I have to be positive and show support. I called Jon twice that night expressing our total support and excitement (which really is what he wants from us) He felt sooo much better. It made me and my husband feel better.

The next morning my husband and I were having coffee and the news came on with the latest layoff counts, 20,000 for catapillar, 7000 for home depot, 4000 for IBM, etc. etc. We didn’t say anything – just continued to drink our coffee —and that’s a good thing.

I have to thank Pamela Slim for posting his letter and
I have to thank everyone who took the time and interest to respond. This was certainly a combined effort. What a wonderful feel good experience.

Valerie

I don’t know if this is too late, but -

do it, if you are prepared not just to live in a US-ghetto in Germany. This place is not the USA, the language and culture are not the same, you could/can /will learn a lot, but only if you learn the language and get to know German people… Btw, my references for this statement: I am a Brit who has lived here for 29 years…

Rob

Thank you for your wonderful — supportive letter – I realize I have to step aside — and that’s not a bad thing — Jon is capable of making the right decision and should not be influenced by my motherly insecurities.

Thank you so much for posting your perspective on Jon’s choices. I very much felt your love and concern for him. I thought I’d add a little to what’s already been said. I’m in my early 50s, I’ve had at least three careers, and I’ve run organizations for Fortune 50 companies and hired (and fired) my share of people and I’m STILL growing and learning!

In my experience, job stability is an illusion — we have only to look at the current economic situation and the loss of jobs in formerly “stable” industries to get lots of evidence! What’s most important are personal qualities like resilience, flexibility, creativity, enthusiasm because those are the ones that will ensure your ability to weather whatever storm comes your way (I’m sure there are many more qualities that make a difference, too — for me, though, resilience is the most important). I’m guessing that Jon’s experience in Germany will give him tremendous experience in developing resiliency since he’ll be faced with many challenging situations.

Learning what you don’t want in life is as important as learning what you DO want. Sometimes it takes the experience of something you really don’t like to learn what really is important to you. I wouldn’t spend any more time feeling guilty over the job he has now — he seems to have learned a lot about what he doesn’t want AND been able to save enough money to go have a life-changing experience. How many people at 23 can say that????

By the time a company has put you on a 30 day performance plan, they’ve already given up on you and are ready for you to go. Yes, you can turn it around sometimes but in the case of someone like Jon (and, I’m totally guessing here from his note and yours) who is very bright, capable, creative the problem isn’t that he can’t do the job, it is that he doesn’t want to do the job — that fundamental problem isn’t going to go away in 30 days. Even if he was able to stay past the 30 days, he’ll be on the list of people to lay off when the next round of lay offs happens and he’d be in an even more precarious situation with no job, no baseball in Germany and only prospects for things he doesn’t want to do anyway.

I remember being in my 20s and thinking that I really needed to settle on a career and get started already! From the perspective of 30 years later, I now think it is much more important to spend that time exploring, finding out what is important to you and what isn’t, trying things on, taking them off until something really does grab hold and pulls you from inside (everyone who grew up just knowing they wanted to be a doctor, lawyer, architect, archeologist, superhero can skip this part, of course!). We live in a time where people can and do have multiple careers. There’s no right or wrong way to do it. It matters more that you actually care about what you’re doing.

Ok, lots more rambling than I planned. It sounds like you and your husband have a wonderful son, full of life, adventure, responsibility, intelligence and capabilities — all the things he needs to do a great job of living his life….

I am overwhelmed by the response and support Jon has received in his quest for adventure.

As a parent, of course, I only want him to be happy. If his life is complete — my life is more complete. I want him to be financially secure, have a good career, and ultimately be successful. That is my job as his life coach. Jon was always a good, conscientious student. He cared about his grades – I didn’t have to care for him.

My parents were immigrants but they achieved more financial stability than my american friends. They worked harder. I am programmed to work hard and earn what you make. I was upset to read that Jon only put in 20% effort at his job. That’s not like him. I don’t want him to carry that to his next job. I ultimately feel responsible because I was the one who talked him into taking this job. But I thought I was doing the right thing. He had the chance to interview for a Hedge fund that would have given him more job stability and financial success. Even with that I couldn’t see him taking the job because l. it was 2 miles from home 2. he would work nights and possibly weekends to start 3. he would still live at home. I didn’t see that as a life for him while he was young- contrary to what my sister thought. I know they think I made a mistake to tell him to take THE ADVENTURE. So I carry the mother’s guilt that my decision didn’t work out……………..

All the posts were positive to go which I do understand but I did appreciate those that brought out the reality of the present financial crises. I told Jon if it was any other time I would be thrilled that he had the opportunity – knowing that finding another job would not be a problem. That is not the case now. Every morning my husband gives me the unemployment count and that doesn’t help. Of course my husband is self employed and has been since he was 21 years old. He’s lived on his own since he was 17 so he is also so proud of Jon’s accomplishments and his success. He wants Jon to have job stability. My husband still does not know that Jon is considering this offer — I told him he has to call his father himself when he makes the choice. I know he will be worried about his future when he returns from Germany.
I am proud that he is not making this decision irrationally. That he has taken the time and effort to get opinions. If he wants to go I will support his decision but I will also have to add that he should complete his present job at 110%. To leave the job and wow them. Give it the same energy he would a job he wants. He has to be realistic about his return. There is no guarantee he will find his dream job right away. He has to understand that he will have to get experience and put in 110% – sometimes even 100 is not enough to stand out and be noticed. Whatever the job is – he should bring forth creative ideas for change — Am I wrong? Can any job became a challenge? That’s another topic.
Sorry for the length of this reply. But I know he will make the right choice. I know he will make it work just by the way he approached his decision.
Just like one person said there might be days in Germany that are not the greatest. Sitting on the bench…losing a game because of an error..culture difference..money..etc. But I always say when you are on vacation you say you are having a good time. When you’re home a week you remember it as a great time. When you talk about it a year later it was the greatest vacation you ever had. I’m sure that will be his experience. It gets better as you get older.
Thank you for taking the time and interest in his quest. He’s a very responsible son and I’m sure he will make the right decision and it will work……I also have sleepness night worrying about him……