Comments on: Help ME help YOU

By: Alexis Neely

Alexis Neely — Wed, 21 May 2008 06:24:45 +0000

This was helpful, Pam! I find myself struggling frequently with how to ask for help from someone I don’t know and usually just go for the straight out – can you help me with this approach, but often feel uncomfortable doing that and you’ve given me a new approach to try.

If all goes well, I’ll be on the Today Show in a couple of weeks and if you ask me how I did it when your book comes out, I’ll introduce you to my contact there.

By: Greg

Greg — Tue, 20 May 2008 03:42:18 +0000

On Twitter, people are so anxious to help, it almost seems like a contest of sorts. Who can provide the answer the fastest? I’m guilty of it, but I’m a librarian, so info seeking is an obsession of sorts.

I agree that there is so much coded into the way we ask for things that careful wording can greatly affect the outcome. Really, really good advice.

By: Zviki

Zviki — Tue, 13 May 2008 05:11:15 +0000

As some people noted, many of us have problem with asking for help. I would assume that this is especially evident with people who make it on their own and like it that way.

So, I’ll give you another angle. Do you like helping people? I do. It’s satisfying. You get some instant gratification and you’re uplifted with a boost of positive energy.

When you’re not asking for help, especially when people offer, you’re denying that privilege from them.

Give people the gift of giving.

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Good point Zviki!

I will venture to say that those who are afraid of asking for help will take a LOT longer to realize their goals as compared to those that aren’t.

Thanks for offering your perspective!

-Pam

By: Dr. Wright

Dr. Wright — Mon, 12 May 2008 01:00:38 +0000

Sometimes people will talk with me and ask , how can they help me. I am very specific and tell them exactly what I am looking for or want. They nod and then start telling me about the stuff, THEY want to give me.

I have to sit there politely and nod, but the entire time I am thinking, I dont want or need that, I told you exactly what I want or need.

So now I am starting to hate that question.

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Hmmm, that is a dilemma … maybe it is a question of not connecting yet with quite the right people (or is that Wright people? sorry — couldn’t resist the pun!). I say keep on asking for what you want, and sooner or later it will manifest. Either that, or if it wasn’t quite the right thing for you or your business, the right thing will reveal itself to you.

Thanks for weighing in!

-Pam

By: Andy Pels

Andy Pels — Sat, 10 May 2008 06:08:31 +0000

I would love to be able to meet and possibly have a meal with Samantha Brown from the Travel Channel. In what way would any of you suggest I go about doing so? And how would I best explain to my wife that she is not invited?

Hey – it’s worth a shot and it’s good practice of the format, right?

And for the record, I love my wife very much.

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Good thing you clarified Andy, I was about to call your wife this morning. HA! I know you adore her.

You jest, but by putting out this desire to the virtual universe, who knows what might happen? Samantha Brown might just read this blog and knock on your door tomorrow.

Keep on keeping on with your dreams.

-Pam

By: Mario Sanchez

Mario Sanchez — Sat, 10 May 2008 02:59:35 +0000

Great points Pam. In my case I’ve always liked to work alone and I’m used to finding my own answers and doing things my way. I’m the type who would drive for half an hour looking for a place rather than stopping for a minute to ask for directions.

Unfortunately, this is not the best way to learn new things and get what you want efficiently, so I’m working on changing my approach.

The first step I’m taking is to try to talk less and listen more. Also, when I need help I usually go to others and tell them: Hey, I’m stuck here, how would YOU go about this?

People love to talk about themselves and when you frame the question around what THEY would do, that usually that gets them going in the direction you want them to.

By: Carolyn Elefant

Carolyn Elefant — Fri, 09 May 2008 23:31:00 +0000

I liked your post and the tangible examples that you gave about how to ask for help. The trouble is that sometimes, when I am asked that way, I take the question at face value and don’t always realize that the person is trying to ask me something directly. For example, if someone says to me “Can you recommend a person to write a post on this topic at X blog?” and what they are really getting at is that they want me to write it, I don’t always catch on (call me obtuse!)
BTW, learned about this post on Twitter.

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Good point Carolyn! I definitely don’t mean you should never be direct, which can confuse someone like you who may be very willing to help, if you can just decipher the request. What I am mainly describing are early relationships where there is not a lot of understanding and trust built between you and the person you want information or support from. In these cases, I find it is best to ask about the process and not put them on the spot.

Thanks for stopping by via Twitter!

-Pam

By: Sheryl Sisk Schelin

Sheryl Sisk Schelin — Fri, 09 May 2008 21:50:36 +0000

EXCELLENT post, Pam. Those drawn to the entrepreneurial life are, I think, paradoxically both most in need of asking for help, and least likely to even consider such a thing. That “can-do” and “I can do it MYSELF, thank you very much” attitude is both a blessing and a curse!

By: Nathan Bowers

Nathan Bowers — Fri, 09 May 2008 20:31:33 +0000

Excellent advice on framing the question in a way that’s less “give me what I want” and more “dear hive mind friends, do you have any recommendations?”. Everyone loves being asked for their opinion.

You also have much better results asking for help when you’re contributing in some way. This could mean running a helpful blog, contributing to open source projects, or even just being a fun and helpful Twitterer yourself.

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Well said from a very helpful blog writer, open sourcer, helpful Twitterer and decoder of gnarly HTML-er-er.

You set the standard Nathan!

-Pam

By: Robyn

Robyn — Fri, 09 May 2008 18:20:07 +0000

Pamela, thanks for this really timely post. I am like one of the world’s WORST at asking for help. This post makes it seem almost silly not to ask for it, since the methods you describe are so inoffensive! I’m going to try to incorporate one minor ask in every post I write. Maybe then, I will have less resistance to asking for help when I have a really large problem!

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Yeah Robyn! More asking power to you! I think you will find that the more you ask, the easier it becomes. As well, the more you ask, the more you will be asked, which is fun too! Reciprocity makes the world go round.

How can I help you?

-Pam