Comments on: You do not lose your brain when you have kids

By: Anne-Marie

Anne-Marie — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 06:23:13 +0000

Thank you, thank you, thank you. As a female entrepreneur at the helm of a multi-million dollar company, the idea of children terrifies me (and my equally busy successful entrepreneur husband). I have heard all the same stuff from all my girlfriends and just keep putting off children (thankfully, I’m only 30 and have a few more years) because I’m worried about what children will do to my business, my brain, my drive and my innovative streak.

Thank you for your post. It gives me hope.

By: Jan-Peter Kuiper

Jan-Peter Kuiper — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 20:15:25 +0000

Pam, I love this post.
We (that is my wife Simone and I) had our daughter nine weeks ago today. We receive the same reactions you describe. Although I have to admit that Simone “suffers” more of the brain leaking comments than I. It probably is a gender thing.
Simone blogs about her experiences as a young urban working mother on http://www.sim1andonly.wordpress.com (it’s in dutch, but she will refer to this your post). One of the things she describes is how she has tot defend herself being at work and not a home with Elizabeth (our daughter), while I (working self-employed and from home) never have to explain anything to anyone.
Anyway thanks for the insights.
Jan-Peter

By: Matthew Cornell

Matthew Cornell — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 13:07:12 +0000

Very nice, Pam. Main advantages of having my daughter: Joy and purpose. Main “disadvantage” – choice re: work becomes more explicit, and sometimes difficult.

By: Rich

Rich — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 23:57:40 +0000

Can I agree with both sides? Emma is now three, and before I was born I had my fingers in all manner of things: Websites, books, a business, etc. Since her birth I’ve been forced to cut back dramatically, which is ultimately for the good. I really had way too much I was trying to do, to the detriment of all. I have to concede that my work going forward will be stronger for weeding out a lot of projects, but I’m really missing the “weeds” and sort of the sense that anything is possible. My daughter is without a doubt the most amazing thing in my life, but I still do keenly feel a loss.

By: Andrea J. Stenberg

Andrea J. Stenberg — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 00:16:11 +0000

Pam,

I completely agree about the clarity that having children brings.

I’d been talking about starting a business for years. But it was the resentment I was starting to feel for missing out on class trips and not being there after school that really motivated me to leave my cubicle.

Currently, I’m probably putting in more hours than I did in my “job” but it’s at my schedule. I get up and do 1-3 hours before my son gets up then I break for breakfast. Once he’s on the bus, I go back to work. At 3:45 when he gets home from school I’m there to ask about his day and get him a snack. Then I’ll go back and do another hour before dinner.

I’m also able to bring more clarity to my business. I know what I’m working towards – in about 9 years I’m going to have to pay for the many university degrees my son will want.

Yes there are times that parenting is hard – when he’s up vomiting at 2 am and then I have to meet with a client at 9am – but overall, it’s worth it. And I think being self employed has made it easier to be a parent.

Thanks for the post.

Andrea

By: Christine Choquel

Christine Choquel — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 18:40:11 +0000

Pam, I totally agree with you, on everything.

I took a break in my engineer/project director carreer when my first kid was born 3 years and a few months ago… and decided to go back to work when my 2nd kid was born one year ago.

Actually, when getting back to work, I managed to do something I would have been unable to do before having kids: I became an independant consultant. I found enough courage, strength and motivation to become an entrepreneur instead of an employee. Pretty big change in my life!

I’m convinced being a mom and experiencing family responsabilities helped me overcome my fear of working on my own.

And concerning the “lose your brain” topic, you are so right: everybody thinks you suddenly throw your brains away with a diaper when you have kids. Whereas as far as I’m concerned, I feel very self-confident and work efficient, much more than during some previous times in my carreer.

Having kids did not make me lose something, it brought me some new skills I’m very happy to use in my new job!

By: DAR

DAR — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 14:26:08 +0000

Pam: Thanks much for the kind words and encouragement. And, yes, since the day I posted (admittedly, in a depressed mood) I’ve tried to take a step back and think about how we can change things around so that I can get where I want to go. It’s going to require a serious heart-to-heart talk with my wife, and require us to make some difficult choices too, but I’m going to be brave and push on with it. Thanks again for the encouragement!

Richard: I’m a software developer. I currently work for an “enterprise” software company – a non-trivial (though not completely all-encompassing) day job. But in the software/technology/Internet field in general (and for me specifically, given my entrepreneurial aspriations) it’s necessary to always be reading books and papers, always be learning new things, reading lots of blogs and mailing lists to keep on top of who’s who and the latest happenings, etc. And all of that, frankly, is a whole other part-time job!

By: Tommy

Tommy — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 14:01:42 +0000

Thank you. Having three kids at home, things get hectic, and sometimes hard to focus on everything that needs to be addressed during a day. This was just what I needed to read this morning.

By: Elizabeth

Elizabeth — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 04:04:59 +0000

I too had to change some things around professionally after the birth of my 3rd child.

I can’t imagine it any other way.

By: Richard

Richard — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 13:37:42 +0000

I can sympathize with Dar’s situation. I’ve been putting off kids for fear of it crushing my entrepreneurial dreams. Now in our mid-thirties we are trying for the first time. I’m still pursuing my entrepreneurial dreams but realize they may be halted when junior comes. At the same time I’m considering pushing through at all costs. I think kids are more resilient than we realize. I’d rather my children rarely see me because of work I enjoy than always see me while in a state of misery and depression.

Dar, what business are you in? I’m curious to know what corporate job demands so much of your time.